I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
