Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
