Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
