It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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