He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
That was an excessively violent trivia night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
