Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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