Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
