Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
