I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
