I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
