I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
