Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
