I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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