I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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