Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize