no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
