The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
