just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
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how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
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Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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