I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
