I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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