the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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