just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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