Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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