I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
