Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
