Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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