She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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