Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
