No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
