Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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