Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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