is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
