2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
