Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
