Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
