Moan for me like Helen Keller
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
