I have demons in me.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
