She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
