Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
