He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
