If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
