a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize