break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i think my tv is drunk
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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