So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
