Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Too much gin, very little bucket
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
