Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
