I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
