it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
