Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
