my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
