Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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