i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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