We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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