meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
