so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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