quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
