i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
