watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
