i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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