I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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