got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
