I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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