The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
