Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
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