im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
