well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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