Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
