I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
People in love make me want to vomit
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
