I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
