2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
