never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
