i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
