giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
