Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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