and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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