Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
