gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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