Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
