I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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