I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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