if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
