You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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