I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
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