Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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